Playing Small

Have you ever caught yourself in the act? You know, living in an old pattern?

Let me explain.

This Saturday I will be travelling to Peru, where I will be meeting up with 19 other like minded adventurers from across North America. We are going to be travelling together to some of the most mystical and sacred places in Peru. Prior to travel, we were each asked to write a bio and share it with the group, so that each of us will know more about each other when we all arrive. I didn’t think much of it at all, in fact, this all too familiar voice inside my head said…”keep it safe and simple, you know the drill, don’t share too much as it might come across in the wrong way and you don’t want people judging you before they even meet you. And lets be real…who’s gonna be interested in reading about your life anyway?”  

A week passed and I started to receive the bio’s from everyone in our group. I was moved by the group’s honesty and openness in sharing so freely about themselves and their lives. These people spent time and effort in their sharing…I mean, everyone of them wrote a few paragraphs! Then I came across my bio on the group email…it was only 2 lines. Yeah, I only wrote 2 lines about myself!!! To say I took the easy way out is an understatement. Then it hit me. Why did I choose to play small for so long? Who’s idea was that anyways? All I knew is that this wasn’t the first time this had happened in my life, but it felt like the first time I actually caught myself in the act. It’s that cliche image of everyone else on the playing field playing ball…and then there was me, sitting safely up in the stands, watching everyone else play the game.

My point in all of this is that it doesn’t come naturally for me to be open and share a lot about myself and my life. In fact, I used to consider myself a very private person. And while that was fine back then, it’s not who I choose to be now. Creating my website, patsybell.life was one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. Owning and sharing my story for the whole wide world to read freaked me out, but I chose to do it anyway. And sharing on Instagram everyday sometimes feels daunting, but I also choose to do it anyway. Let’s face it, growth is uncomfortable, but I truly believe it is when we choose to be brave and step into our fear, open our hearts and share, that’s when the real magic begins.

So, I wanted to try this again. I took a deep breath and stepped back into my fear. I emailed the entire group my second attempt at my bio. And a funny thing happened…it felt great. In fact, the groups response felt like they were just waiting for me to get out of the stands and finally join them on the field. Now we can all start playing together.